What a Fucking Year

2020. What a fucking year. As a nation, we have been pushed and pulled with the tides of whatever the latest restrictions are, not dissimilar to hopeless and damaged plastic bags in the wind. It has been the year for illegal gatherings, cushty “bubbles” and enough forced fun to fill a disused quarry. Honestly, I…

The New Normal

What even is normal anymore? Masks? No masks? One metre if possible? Eat Out to Help Out but Don’t Go Out? We are now existing in a state of incessant confusion, uncertainty and pure fucking exhaustion. This weekend couldn’t have come any sooner after the first full week back with the cherubs. And what a…

New responsibilities

Yesterday I was asked to be a Godmother. I cried, naturally. Subsequently, so did my best friend Jess. Together, we were reduced to blubbering, nodding messes while an unknowing Mila (my GODAUGHTER) gazed on, most probably thinking “what the fuck is going on?” So, Mila, what can you expect with me as your Godmother? I…

Lockdown: Week Eleven

So, lockdown rules and guidelines have loosened recently. So much so that people are now able to meet in small groups outside, so long as they keep that critically safe distance of two metres away from each other. Like swarms of uncontrollable and insatiable bees, the British public are flocking to beaches and parks to…

Lockdown: Week Who Knows

Another fucking week of lockdown. The highlight of my day and the climax to my social interaction: a food shop. As I merrily swing into the carpark, the following critical questions infiltrate into my mind: How many shuffling, numb bodies are forming the queue today?Has the level of PPE (oh, the repertoire of acronyms we…

Lockdown: Week Three

Week three of lockdown. I’ll set the scene. The sky is a beautiful shade of blue, like a freshly knitted baby boy’s blanket. Feeling smug and proud of myself for emerging from the cosy cocoon of my bed before 9am, I shuffle outside for my morning fag. Around me, the birds produce a well-practised and…

Lockdown: Week Two

Week two of lockdown. As you can imagine, several more moments of hilarity have ensued. My arse is slowly seeping outwards, like an unwanted and incessant flood. I believe that this has mainly been a result of an ever-expanding and insatiable hunger, continuously fed (pardon the pun) by boredom. Why not stretch those rusty and…

Lockdown: Week One

So, the entire country is currently in a state of national crisis. We are in lockdown. What does that mean for me? I have had to learn an entirely new way of teaching, in which we are providing education via online communication. As expected, this has its pros and cons. A pro being that I…

Introduction

So, I became an English teacher last year. When I say became, I mean I was thrown into a dilapidated yet colourful classroom on my own, after five weeks of training. If anyone is reading this and is a new teacher, or even a teacher of many years, I’m sure that you will recognise some…